What is the best way to stop your child becoming an atheist?

What is the best way to stop your child becoming an athiest[sic]? I don’t want any of my children to be punished by God.

Do not educate them, or expose them to critical thinking, logic or science.

Lie to them constantly about how the world works. Feed them a steady diet of mumbo jumbo dressed up like real knowledge – the jumbo jet in the whirlwind for example – and pretend that it is deep wisdom.

Make them loathe their own natural bodies and functions. Convince them they are small and weak and worthless and need redemption. Tell them everything enjoyable is grievously wrong to even think about, and that their only fun should be in grovelling to an invisible friend.

Ensure that they resent anyone who is not like them in every way – skin color, nationality, political opinion but especially creed. Make such people out to be evil and vile and give them – impotent minorities all – the fictional power to somehow oppress and persecute the vast majority who do think like you.

Teach them to laugh at and dismiss out of hand any faith but their own. Early – early mind you – make sure they are taught the difference between superstitious deadly error – that one raving lunatic in the desert told the truth about a vicious god who killed people, and divine eternal truth – that another raving lunatic in the desert told the truth about a vicious god who killed people.

Instruct them with all severity and import to never question for themselves – to never think for themselves – to never live for themselves – but to seek answers only in one – just one – particular set of semi-literate bronze age folk tales.

Above all – and this cannot be overemphasized – make sure they cannot spell, use correct grammar, or understand basic English words.

That should do the trick.

In the end the easiest solution would be to go get a god who is less of a cock. They’re all much the same, particularly in the alarming lack of existence area.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which 10 commandments?

The 10 Commandments: the moral code??

One of the most shocking things to Christians and Jews is that the 10 Commandments they have learned in school are NOT the ones God wrote in stone. Do you remember Judge Roy Moore? He was the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama who had a copy of the 10 Commandments etched on wooden tablets hanging in his court room. From 2001 to 2003 there were a number of legal battles which ultimately lead to his removal from office (Roy Moore recently announced his intention to run for President as a Republican for the 2012 elections). What Roy Moore didn’t know (and all he had to do was read Exodus to see), was that the list of commandments over which he lost his job were never written on stone tablets. That’s right, according to the Bible; the commonly known 10 Commandments were only spoken in speeches, and were never written on stone tablets!

Let’s take a minute to remember the story of Moses and the 10 Commandments. In the story, Moses goes up the mountain and God gives a really long speech (Exodus 20 to 31). In that speech God talks about the not killing, stealing, etc. (Exodus 20), but spends far more time discussing the offerings he wants, how to build his temple, and how he wants his curtain made (check out Exodus 26 for details on Gods curtains). It’s not until the last sentence of Exodus 31 that we even hear about stone tablets. God gives Moses two tablets written by the finger of God (it is not stated at that time what is written on the tablets), and orders him down off the mountain.

When Moses comes down from the mountain, carrying the stone tablets (that he never read), he finds the people worshiping a golden calf. Moses destroys the tablets in a fit of rage and is eventually forced to schlep back up the mountain in order to get another set. It is not until this second set of tablets, also written on stone and by the hand of God, that we learn what was written on both the first and second set of stone tablets (see Exodus 34). This second set is the only set that is called the 10 Commandments by the Bible (the Decalogue), and it is the set that is carried in the Arc of the Covenant and housed in the Temple on the Mound and worshiped by Jews for hundreds of years.

So where does the confusion come in? In Deuteronomy 5, Moses calls his people together to remind them about the long speech God had given them many years earlier. By this time most of the people to whom he was speaking were the children born in the desert and had not heard the original speech, and Moses was quite old. What Moses reminds them of is only the very first part of the long speech, the part in Exodus 20. Moses inaccurately states (in Deuteronomy 5:22) that God gave him two tablets of stone with Exodus 20 written on them, when in fact the stone tablets have Exodus 34 written on them.

So if you believe what the Bible says, Exodus 34 is the ONLY Ten Commandments and the ONLY thing ever written by the hand of God. Exodus 20 is never put in stone and is only given out as a speech along with a very long list of construction activities. So what are the real 10 Commandments? Below you will find the 10 Commandments that were written on stone by the hand of God, were worshiped by Jews, carried in the Arc, and placed in the Temple (a commonly used breakdown):

1 Obey the commandments. Yahweh will conquer the Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hitiites, and Jebusites. Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you. Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones, and cut down their Asherah poles.

2 Do not worship any other god, for Yahweh, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous god. Do not make treaties with those in other lands who worship other gods.

3 Do not make cast idols.

4 Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread. For seven days eat bread made without yeast during the first month of the Hebrew Year.

5 Sacrifice the first-born of every womb, including all the firstborn males of your livestock. You can sacrifice a lamb in place of a firstborn donkey, but if you do sacrifice the donkey break its neck. If your firstborn child is a boy sacrifice something else in its place. None shall appear before Yahweh without a sacrifice.

6 Do not work on the Sabbath, even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest.

7 Celebrate the Jewish holiday “The Feast of Weeks” with the first fruits of the wheat harvest and celebrate the Jewish holiday “The Feast of Ingathering” at the turn of the year. Three times a year all your men are to appear before the god of Israel and he will conquer surrounding nations before you enlarging your territory.

8 Do not mix blood sacrifices to Yahweh with yeast and do not let any sacrifice from the Passover Feast remain until morning.

9 Bring the first fruits of your land to the house of Yahweh, your god.

10 Do not cook a baby goat in his mother’s milk.

So, according to the only stone plates that made it off the mountain, that were never read by anyone, and the last thing ever hand-written by God, killing, stealing, coveting, and bearing false witness are all OK. But boiling a baby goat in his mother’s milk… that’s a sin!

 

From: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Still-here-Silly-Christians/164234340302575

Ten Things…

Ten things I wish the church knew about homosexuality:
1) If Jesus did not mention a subject, it cannot be essential to his teachings.
2) Truth isn’t like wine that gets better with age> It’s more like manna you must recognize whenever you are and whoever you are with.
4) You cannot call it special rights when someone asks for the same rights you have.
5) It is no longer your personal religious view if you’re bothering someone else.
6) Marriage is a civil ceremony, which means it’s a civil right.
If you someone stimulates a public nerve has become the needle in your moral compass, you are the one who is lost.
8) To condemn homosexuality, you must use parts of the Bible you don’t yourself obey. Anyone who obeyed every part of Leviticus would rightly be put in prison.
9) If we do not do the right thing in our day, our grandchildren will look at us with the same embarrassment we look at racist grandparents.
10) When Jesus forbade judging, that included you.

I don’t even have to make fun of theists..

At a Lincoln Nebraska City Council hearing this week to review a proposed LGBT protection ordinance, resident Jane Skrovota delivered a rambling, incoherent anti-gay rant that, for all its obvious bigotry, was mostly just plain weird. It’s amazing how much detail these ‘pure’ people of God go into so much raunchy detail of homosexuality and sex in general.

They humiliate (that’s not the same as humility) themselves every time they open their mouths.

Isn’t this enough?

Our story is the story of the universe. Every piece of everyone, of everything you love and everything you hate, of the thing you hold most precious, was assembled by the forces of nature in the first few minutes of the life of the universe, transformed in the hearts of the stars or created in their fiery deaths. And when you die, those pieces will be returned to the universe in the endless cycle of death and rebirth. What a wonderful thing it is to be part of that universe. What a story, what a majestic story. Sexy Sexy Brian Cox