Ah, hello.. it’s nice to see you all here.. Now, as the more perceptive of you’d probably realised by now, this is hell.. and I am the devil, good evening.. ah, but you can call me Toby if you’d like, we try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal.. that’s just a little joke of mine, I tell it every time.. Now!. you’re all here, for… eternity. Ooh!.. which I hardly need to tell you, it’s a heck of a long time. Umm, you’ll all get to know each other pretty well by the end, but for now, am I going to have to split you up into groups.. will you stop screaming!?.. thank you.. Now, murderers.. murderers, over here please.. thank you.. looters and pillagers over here.. thieves if you could join them and lawyers you’re in that lot. Uh, fornicators if you could step forward.. my God, there are a lot of you.. uh, can I split you up into adulterers and the rest.. male adulterers if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine in the corner there.. thank you. Uhh, the French, are you here?.. if you’d just like to come down here with the Germans.. I’m sure you’ll have plenty to talk about. Okay, umm, atheists.. atheists?.. over here please, you must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits?.. looks so.. never mind. And finally Christians, Christians?.. ah yes, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the Jews were right. If you could come down here, that would be really kind. Thank you. Okay, right. Well, are there any questions? Yes? No, I’m afraid we don’t have any toilets. Um, if you read your bible, you might have seen that it was Damnation without relief, so if you didn’t go before you came, then I’m afraid that you’re not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that’s the idea. Okay, well it’s over to you, Adolf and I’ll catch you all later at the barbeque.. bye!
Look at this. This is the devil that religious people are frightened of. Imagine how frightened they are of the Cookie Monster. Image from the Codex Gigas.